You have been reading articles on avoiding debt or getting out of debt all along. Let’s try a different route this time. I will tell you some surefire ways to incur debt.
No matter what state your finances are in, you won’t fail. SB guarantees that.
1. Help the economy by spending all you can.
Haven’t you heard that spending helps the economy? The more you spend, the more sellers earn. Their family depend on your money. Be a philanthropist and help the cause. Don’t worry about your income. You’re a genius; you’ll earn later in life. Apply for a credit card and charge it – and make sure you have a high limit. If not, apply for a few more cards.
You know you need to look good all the time. Your clothes are old; even your neighbor’s dog hates your clothes. Try new ones now. Go to the mall, they run sales all the time. Don’t buy cheap. See, that fellow walking ahead of you? Get clothes like his.
Don’t forget to buy a few pair of shoes before they are out of stock; it’s your last chance! With cash, you can’t spend much without emptying your wallet, don’t carry cash. Charge all your shopping to credit cards. Get this list of things to spend on. You only need to pay the minimum due. You are not poor, so you can easily pay that much, can’t you?
Don’t forget to get some beer on the way home, drink and enjoy looking at new possessions.
2. Help friends in need
This is the ultimate cause – don’t let go. Is your girlfriend’s (or boyfriend’s) cousin struggling with tuition fees? Offer to help. Place yourself higher in his/her eyes. Take out cash advance from your credit cards. Take out only enough to cover one semester, wait, and check cousin’s grades before doling out more. Don’t give out all at once.
Jones next door has a problem with roofing. You loan him some money only after he promises to repay within a few days. Once the roof is done, invite him for some beer. He’ll thank you throughout the conversasion. That should give you more reasons to help others. Look out!
3. Screw the budget.
Budgets are for poor people. You don’t need one. Life’s short, so you should enjoy it while it lasts. Get your hands on the latest iProduct before Barry gets one. Go eat out, take it easy, leave the parking to valets. Loudly order the most expensive wine. Whine if they don’t have it. Everybody in the restaurant should give you attention.
Don’t miss any concerts or musical albums. It’ll look great on your shelves next to all your prized possessions. If you happen to have a budget, don’t worry. You have a credit card! You can go on a tight budget later to compensate.
Menu plans? Mentally sort a restaurant menu according to price in descending order. The top 10 is your menu plan for the week. Next week try another restaurant. If you’re too full, grab a can of beer and take a walk.
4. Be a party man (or woman)
This is the ‘in’ thing these days. Work hard and party hard should be your mantra. Sunday night football with all you can eat pizza. Why not every Sunday? Be the generous host. Plan to split the bill, but its your home, so you should just pay the pizza delivery man from your pocket. Should you ask your friends for such a small amount of money? Come on, you’re the host!
Friday evening is the right time to go bar hopping. Strips clubs are great for men. Come on, man, have a good time. Enjoy all the good things on Friday night. You know what I mean? Girls at strip clubs give special attention to regular visitors with deep pockets, I heard.
On the Fridays you don’t feel like going out or don’t have company, get some chilled beer and share it with Emma’s grandma. Hear some frugal stories about the great recession. Be motivated to spend!
5. Andy got a new car, you should too
Remember how impressed your girlfriend was by that shining new car? You are a better earner than Andrew, how long will you drive your clunker? Buy a new issue of Car and Driver, then test drive all the new models before making a decision. Nobody cares if you don’t own a luxury car.
Imagine how Jones’ wife would look at you the next time you drive past her. Feeling motivated? Buy an expensive one, looks are what matters most. Get some beer to celebrate!
6. Go on a world trip
Depending on your credit limit, choose between Europe or South America. Take your girl/boyfriend with you. Make sure you get enough leg room on a long haul flight. Business class has good space for travelers. You don’t want to feel half exhausted before reaching your destination, do you?
Life is not full without seeing some of the spectacles of the world.
Every chance could be your last chance to stay at a five-star hotel in city ‘A’ or city ‘B’, don’t lose it. Remember to ask for a great (ocean/tower/lake/sea/hill view room. Minibar is a must have.
After all the tours and sightseeing activities, at night, get a beer from minibar and enjoy the view from your hotel room. Ah, Life!
still some money left?
7. Play the lotto regularly
Do you know that, every hour, someone somewhere is winning a lottery? Buy a ticket when that girl looks at you or the neighbor’s dog didn’t bark at you, may be your’s just lucky that day. Your boss had praise for you today? Buy a ticket. A guaranteed way to kingship is through that little piece of paper.
Buy lottery tickets regularly. The more you buy, the higher the probability of you winning. Buy 7 tickets per week – one for each day. If you win a little something, that’s your beer money. If you don’t, you need just a bottle to forget about it, wait for the next day.
Learn these techniques and apply them to your day-to-day debt-free life – you can live happily in debt ever after. Your credit rating will be one less thing to worry about. Who needs financial freedom anyway? You just need some beer.
Nobody will give you a job? Go begging at the traffic lights. God listens to all, so some money should come out of the car windows. If you don’t get a girl, I have seen beggars of all genders on the road. Hook up!
Readers, this post was not composed after a beer overdose. I am my fully sane self. Now that I finished it, I need some beer. Until next post.
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Wow, interesting perspective. You don’t normally see this kind of thing on a personal finance blog. Good points though. I think what you are tying to say is that we should not restrict ourselves too much and that we need to remember to live life even in times like this. I also think you are trying to say that if you can afford it, spend some money; interest rates are low and they will never be this low again. Do I got you right? Great post! Gives people a lot to think about.
Actually this is sarcastic post to let people know what they shouldn’t do…
Well then never mind. lol. It is hard to pick up sarcasm in writing sometimes.
Don’t worry only top notch or totally stupid writers write pieces that are difficult to comprehend. You decide what you think about me…
I got the sarcasm (and I loved it!), but I really like Miss T’s perspective better. People get one life and (generally) only one chance to live it. Personally, I’m tired of the misers who do nothing but stay home because going out costs money. At the same time, there do need to be some constraints when it comes to spending money, but to never do anything simply because it costs a little bit is being to anal for me.
Well said Eric.
Well said. I guess you’re not hinting at doing things exactly as I described. There’s a huge gap between not spending and spending like this..Not going out at all and going out bar hopping every day..
Thanks Miss T!
SB, no I was not hinting at doing exactly as you described. Some of which, like going out and doing a little shopping are more than acceptable now and then, especially if you are responsible. It’s just some people out there are all about “never go out, never buy anything new, never spend a dime when there are free options, blah blah blah” and it just makes no sense to save everything for a time that may never come around or (as I have said on multiple occasions) if it does they will not be able to do as much physically as is possible today.
I am a buyer of this point. If you have money don’t live like a miser. You can’t take money with you. Better live a good life. Do not spend for the sake of spending rather, spend on value and on things that would educate you or leave a good lasting memory or better, help the human population.
I got the sarcasm. But personally I have done every single thing above (except the lotto, but to replace that I have gambled for the heck of it) so I like Miss T’s view too. It comes down to balance I guess.
Including chilled beer with Emma’s grandma?
I don’t know any Emma, but a nice bottle of wine with some old folks really is a nice way to spend some time on Fridays.
Someone had too much to drink last night and forgot the cardinal rule of blogging. Don’t drink and blog.
Come on Joe…get the real meaning..
I found this article to be quite funny. The first point is something that is preached day in and day out, but there are so many people who just don’t have the money to spend. When you lend your boyfriend’s cousin money once, you can bet that they will come to see you again. The said thing is that there are people who follow all of these rules religiously and see nothing wrong with it!!!
If they have money, nothing is wrong. Problem is if you live on a limited salary income there are things you shouldn’t do. Financial health is a relative term. Bill gates can do all of these and still clal it cheap. For common man living liken this is extravagance.
Love the post SB. I think I’m going to take your advice and do a little international traveling! That should help the global economy, right?
Oh yes, try the poorest ones first Jeff. Fun apart, we should travel to see the world where 90% of people live. Its so different than what you see in this country.
Love the sarcasm SB!
Thanks Paul!
Haha! It took me a few paragraphs before I picked up on where you had gone with this. Clever!
I actually unintentionally made it a Monalisa. No body knows she’s happy or sad…people are confused what I am really saying..
Loved the post! Sounds like me.
I am suprised that it could have been taken seriously. Really? Read between the lines, people! 
Thanks Aloysa, yes by some of your posts specially “salivating on a new handbag” I am sure you were one of these.
Very well written article! It’s so true about friend buying a new car makes you want to do the same. It’s so tempting… You start thinking if they can afford it then I can too attitude. It’s a trap so be very careful about it…
Yes this is what I exactly meant, thanks for your comment!
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I love this post!!!!
I admit it … with the exception of the “new car,” the “credit cards” and the “lottery,” I’ve done everything on this list. Handing out money to cash-strapped friends, not keeping a budget, spending too much. The one thing I don’t regret is the world travel, though I was definitely flying coach and staying in cheap hostels!
I read your travel stories over at Untemplater. I cherish for one too. Thanks for your comment.
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