Somehow I don’t feel like writing another personal finance topic today, also in weekend edition I talk only on personal matter. On weekends, OCAAT becomes a white board of my state of mind. If you follow my blog for only my financial advices, you may not get anything out from today’s article. If you follow my life, a bloggers life, you may get some insight in to my inner self. I know some of you do follow my weekend’s life snippets. At least the emails I receive indicate that fact.
On financial and money management matters, although, I am strict and disciplined, as a person I am very easy, flexible and weak. A somewhat do-as-you-like kind of guy. I am nostalgic and way more emotional than average men. I get hurt easily and am extremely fragile. In my personal life I often feel insecure.
Nonetheless, I am exactly the opposite at work. Confident, challenging ad to-the-point. I take pride in the work I do. People love me and respect me for whatever I am capable of. I have a superiority-complex and I declared that even in our team meeting in front of my boss. I know I can beat any one at work in performance and success. I lead by heart and example. I am not strict and demanding type for the people who are genuine and honest. I am demanding and authoritative for people who try to get by with less work.
I am managed by an extremely demanding manager. And, most of the time I act as a cushion between my boss and my team. A leader is only as good as the team he leads. My team’s morale should remain high no matter what mistakes they do. I tolerate mistakes, I do them quiet often and we, as human beings, can commit mistakes, no matter how hard we try not to.
Now, again coming back to my personal life. As a husband I am not sure how successful I have been so far. I hear complaints but, I guess that’s common in a marital relationship. We have our moments of spark and our moment of rifts. I love her and she loves me. We have known each other for 13 years now. We met in college in 1999. No body proposed, neither I, nor her, But, we knew we were made for each other. Without declaring our love for each other we planned for our future and we finally got married in 2004.
A movie with a happy ending would have ended right there, in 2004. Sadly life is not just one movie, it’s a series of movies, some with happy ending and some with sad ending. If you are satisfied with your life in one movie, the next movie points out the hollows and the gaps in relationship. Life is a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have experienced this Topsy-Turvy emotions since my childhood. I feel satisfied often, but again, I do feel insecure at times.
We, SMB and I, were raised in contrasting styles, our family background were not similar. She comes from a rich family were as I belong to middle class working population. I wrote about my upbringing in this GRS guest post, if you’re interested. Somethings between us do not match. And I have never been her ideal husband, sad but true. Good that we have flexibility and mutual respect.
I don’t know for how long though. Not only our tastes but also, sometimes, our values also don’t match. We both have strong opinion on certain things. Don’t know if it’s normal in every marital relationship.
Even when things are good, I do still feel certain emptiness and a need-for-more in my personal life. Apart from being a husband and an employee there are various other facets of my life that exist. And then there is my personal space where no one can enter, there I weave nets of my dreams, the desires and never-achievable-impossibles. I like this part where I can get every thing I want and I can make others work the way I want. This dream world of mine helps me get out of toughest of situations and deepest of sorrows.
With this let’s come to an end here. I will continue to bring my publishable personal life, without hurting the people who are responsible in forming my personal life. Let me know how have you felt reading this?
P.S. – This is SMB and I in the picture, during our second trip to Niagara.