Everyone needs pampering, and everyone likes to feel appreciated. After 7 years of marriage, every once in awhile I take SMB, my wife, for granted (especially since I started blogging). I thought she accepted me putting numerous evening and weekend hours into blogging. But, she didn’t, she thinks OCAAT is my second wife!
Also, my frugal ways don’t really match with hers. We were raised in contrasting lifestyles – I never had plenty of things in my life, whereas she got whatever she wanted. We know that marriage is a bond of love with mutual compromise, which keeps the bond.
Lately, I’ve done my part of the compromising a little less. Although I have amended this in the last month, I still have so many things to catch up on compared to other husbands! 🙂
I have read a few articles on relationships and marriage in preparation for writing this article. Here is what I learned – I hope the list will add spark to your life as well.
Let me start by asking, do you know your wife’s birthday?
If you don’t remember, there’s something missing in how you feel about her. Cure that part first, before trying to make her happy. Think if you truly love her, question yourself. Birthdays are special days and we expect our loved ones to remember the day, even if the loved one is a high flying jet setter.
The first and foremost thing to make your wife happy well applies to most of the wives, if not all.
Send her flower. and please don’t forget your anniversary, give her thoughtful gifts.
A flower and a dine out together with a jewelry can melt the ice and bring her closer to you. But don’t just go away after these shower of gifts. Spend time with her, love her and adore her.
If you really love her, you don’t need to read any further. You probably have figured out what you needed to do.
For if you love her, you will do these things and show these gestures on your own. Just remember how you behaved with her when you courted her. Pay the same attention, show the same love, shower the same praise. Feel the same way, again!
16 Ways to Express Love and Care
- Don’t forget special occasions. I track important days with a BirthdayAlarm. I set it up some 10 years ago. Since then, the website has changed many hands but they still send me emails prior to those dates. You can set up alarms or alerts using many web/phone apps. But that’s for my aunt and my cousins, not for my wife and parents. I happen to be the lucky one to share the birthday with my wife, so no question of forgetting. Use an app if you have to.
- Give her compliments whenever possible. Whether it’s her cooking or her outfit, you should show your appreciation when it’s appropriate. if you don’t like what she cooked, still give her compliment, she put an effort in it.
- Don’t ignore her for more than 2 hours when you are both at home. This is my special rule. Often I require more than 2 hours to write an article or when I get to work from home. I make a point to take a break for 10 minutes and talk to her before going back to my work. Make sure you tell her something interesting about your workplace, it’ll make her feel important.
- Let her be in charge of home affairs. Don’t try to argue about the need to buy a new toaster. Don’t pick up unnecessary fights. My wife loves to buy new teacups, and even though we have around 23 pairs already, I still don’t argue when she buys a new pair. It’s her hobby to drink tea in different cups every day. Let her decide which movie you two should watch next, in my case, this ensures that I get to watch my favorite sport, and, not another cooking challenge on TV.
- Never make fun of her. She’s your wife and the closest friend you have. She’s certainly more important than any of your other friends. Talking about your wife’s shortcomings with others is just as bad as cheating.
- Clean something. Women, mostly, are cleanliness fanatic. If you don’t maintain clean hygiene it will surely turn her off. The floor, the areas at home where she can’t reach (and you can, you need to be Spiderman for that, sometimes) clean those areas. She would love your effort.
- Criticize her tactfully. Recently SMB bought a pair of shoes I didn’t like. When she asked for my opinion, I said the pair looked good but it lacked….blah blah. You should not start giving your opinion by being negative from the very beginning.If you feel she needs to exercise, you start doing it first. Never say that she gained weight.
- Fix something around the house. Anything. Chances are, she has a list of things to be fixed – ask her, then do whatever you can. Set a goal to fix one thing per weekend. Ask her if her car needs repair or an oil change. Drive her car and see if everything is all right.
- Let her sleep late if she wishes. I wake my wife up every day, and she prepares my breakfast and packs my lunch. I return the favor on weekends. I prepare breakfast and take it to her. Even if SMB wakes up before I bring her morning tea, she doesn’t leave bed and waits for me.
- A surprise dinner out can go a long way. Your wife is bound to be sick for a couple of days every month. Its a good gesture that you know those dates and surprise her with a takeout order or offer to dine out. I usually get a mouth-watering dish prepared by her within a few days of showing such gestures. Sickness or none, special treats usually go a long way in a relationship. It shows you care and think about her. (late addition – SMB has a huge objection to this claim)
- Take care of the kids. At least for a day every week. Change his/her diapers and let your wife take a break. This will give her a chance to go out with friends or have them come over while you take care of household matters.
- Spend time alone with her. Don’t always plan for a trip with your friends and kids. Plan for an exclusive gateway sometimes. Just book a hotel within a few miles from your home and spend a day there, just the two of you. Let your kids be babysat for the night.
- Don’t hide anything. If you have a colleague who flirts with you, tell that to your wife (although I never faced this situation 🙂 ). If you lose money in the stock market, tell her that. Tell her about the attractive lady who joined your team recently. Openness is the base of a relationship – keep the base intact and develop a mutually trusting relationship on top of it. Never hide anything financial from her. The last thing she deserves is your financial cheating.
- Don’t try to understand her fully. No man could ever do it. She might behave differently in similar situations at different times. Its chromosomes and hormones! Even if you praise her, she might, at times, think you actually criticized. On some days, she’ll be unhappy no matter what you do. Just take those days as they come. Don’t feel bad and give it a little time. She’ll soon be back with apologetic love.
- Admit your faults. Don’t let the ego come in between. Even if you find yourself apologizing for most of the time. I break this rule frequently. I resort to excuses for things she doesn’t like me doing. I need to stop that. The sooner you realize that admitting your faults to your wife is a different ball game (rather than to your boss or friends), the better your personal life would be. Admit if you forgot to buy the flowers, don’t say the florist was closed. Also, admit you had 3 drinks and not 2, for she was counting them from somewhere.
- Don’t smoke or drink if she doesn’t like it. I have a smoking habit, I tried to quit and I did when I first started courting her, some 12 years back. Sadly, I started smoking again. She hates it, she hates the smell from my clothes. I will quit one day, it’s just so tough to do it. If you can’t quit totally, try not to smoke at home.
You might wonder about the connection between marital relationship and personal finance. Well, I feel to manage family finance we need to first manage our family well. I believe happiness and money go hand in hand, one follows the other. Be happy at home and you’ll feel lesser urge to spend.
Found an interesting list to stop doing certain things, as a husband. You should read it here.
Let me know how you felt about this article, did it inspire you a little bit? What other gestures you feel are good for building a trusting and romantic relationship with your wife?