Everyone needs pampering, and everyone likes to feel appreciated. After 7 years of marriage, every once in awhile I take SMB, my wife, for granted (especially since I started blogging). I thought she accepted me putting numerous evening and weekend hours into blogging. But, she didn’t, she thinks OCAAT is my second wife!
Also, my frugal ways don’t really match with hers. We were raised in contrasting lifestyles – I never had plenty of things in my life, whereas she got whatever she wanted. We know that marriage is a bond of love with mutual compromise, which keeps the bond.
Lately, I’ve done my part of the compromising a little less. Although I have amended this in the last month, I still have so many things to catch up on compared to other husbands! 🙂
I have read a few articles on relationships and marriage in preparation for writing this article. Here is what I learned – I hope the list will add spark to your life as well.
Let me start by asking, do you know your wife’s birthday?
If you don’t remember, there’s something missing in how you feel about her. Cure that part first, before trying to make her happy. Think if you truly love her, question yourself. Birthdays are special days and we expect our loved ones to remember the day, even if the loved one is a high flying jet setter.
The first and foremost thing to make your wife happy well applies to most of the wives, if not all.
Send her flower. and please don’t forget your anniversary, give her thoughtful gifts.
A flower and a dine out together with a jewelry can melt the ice and bring her closer to you. But don’t just go away after these shower of gifts. Spend time with her, love her and adore her.
If you really love her, you don’t need to read any further. You probably have figured out what you needed to do.
For if you love her, you will do these things and show these gestures on your own. Just remember how you behaved with her when you courted her. Pay the same attention, show the same love, shower the same praise. Feel the same way, again!
16 Ways to Express Love and Care
- Don’t forget special occasions. I track important days with a BirthdayAlarm. I set it up some 10 years ago. Since then, the website has changed many hands but they still send me emails prior to those dates. You can set up alarms or alerts using many web/phone apps. But that’s for my aunt and my cousins, not for my wife and parents. I happen to be the lucky one to share the birthday with my wife, so no question of forgetting. Use an app if you have to.
- Give her compliments whenever possible. Whether it’s her cooking or her outfit, you should show your appreciation when it’s appropriate. if you don’t like what she cooked, still give her compliment, she put an effort in it.
- Don’t ignore her for more than 2 hours when you are both at home. This is my special rule. Often I require more than 2 hours to write an article or when I get to work from home. I make a point to take a break for 10 minutes and talk to her before going back to my work. Make sure you tell her something interesting about your workplace, it’ll make her feel important.
- Let her be in charge of home affairs. Don’t try to argue about the need to buy a new toaster. Don’t pick up unnecessary fights. My wife loves to buy new teacups, and even though we have around 23 pairs already, I still don’t argue when she buys a new pair. It’s her hobby to drink tea in different cups every day. Let her decide which movie you two should watch next, in my case, this ensures that I get to watch my favorite sport, and, not another cooking challenge on TV.
- Never make fun of her. She’s your wife and the closest friend you have. She’s certainly more important than any of your other friends. Talking about your wife’s shortcomings with others is just as bad as cheating.
- Clean something. Women, mostly, are cleanliness fanatic. If you don’t maintain clean hygiene it will surely turn her off. The floor, the areas at home where she can’t reach (and you can, you need to be Spiderman for that, sometimes) clean those areas. She would love your effort.
- Criticize her tactfully. Recently SMB bought a pair of shoes I didn’t like. When she asked for my opinion, I said the pair looked good but it lacked….blah blah. You should not start giving your opinion by being negative from the very beginning.If you feel she needs to exercise, you start doing it first. Never say that she gained weight.
- Fix something around the house. Anything. Chances are, she has a list of things to be fixed – ask her, then do whatever you can. Set a goal to fix one thing per weekend. Ask her if her car needs repair or an oil change. Drive her car and see if everything is all right.
- Let her sleep late if she wishes. I wake my wife up every day, and she prepares my breakfast and packs my lunch. I return the favor on weekends. I prepare breakfast and take it to her. Even if SMB wakes up before I bring her morning tea, she doesn’t leave bed and waits for me.
- A surprise dinner out can go a long way. Your wife is bound to be sick for a couple of days every month. Its a good gesture that you know those dates and surprise her with a takeout order or offer to dine out. I usually get a mouth-watering dish prepared by her within a few days of showing such gestures. Sickness or none, special treats usually go a long way in a relationship. It shows you care and think about her. (late addition – SMB has a huge objection to this claim)
- Take care of the kids. At least for a day every week. Change his/her diapers and let your wife take a break. This will give her a chance to go out with friends or have them come over while you take care of household matters.
- Spend time alone with her. Don’t always plan for a trip with your friends and kids. Plan for an exclusive gateway sometimes. Just book a hotel within a few miles from your home and spend a day there, just the two of you. Let your kids be babysat for the night.
- Don’t hide anything. If you have a colleague who flirts with you, tell that to your wife (although I never faced this situation 🙂 ). If you lose money in the stock market, tell her that. Tell her about the attractive lady who joined your team recently. Openness is the base of a relationship – keep the base intact and develop a mutually trusting relationship on top of it. Never hide anything financial from her. The last thing she deserves is your financial cheating.
- Don’t try to understand her fully. No man could ever do it. She might behave differently in similar situations at different times. Its chromosomes and hormones! Even if you praise her, she might, at times, think you actually criticized. On some days, she’ll be unhappy no matter what you do. Just take those days as they come. Don’t feel bad and give it a little time. She’ll soon be back with apologetic love.
- Admit your faults. Don’t let the ego come in between. Even if you find yourself apologizing for most of the time. I break this rule frequently. I resort to excuses for things she doesn’t like me doing. I need to stop that. The sooner you realize that admitting your faults to your wife is a different ball game (rather than to your boss or friends), the better your personal life would be. Admit if you forgot to buy the flowers, don’t say the florist was closed. Also, admit you had 3 drinks and not 2, for she was counting them from somewhere.
- Don’t smoke or drink if she doesn’t like it. I have a smoking habit, I tried to quit and I did when I first started courting her, some 12 years back. Sadly, I started smoking again. She hates it, she hates the smell from my clothes. I will quit one day, it’s just so tough to do it. If you can’t quit totally, try not to smoke at home.
Get her something special from Personalized by Kate!
You might wonder about the connection between marital relationship and personal finance. Well, I feel to manage family finance we need to first manage our family well. I believe happiness and money go hand in hand, one follows the other. Be happy at home and you’ll feel lesser urge to spend.
Found an interesting list to stop doing certain things, as a husband. You should read it here.
Let me know how you felt about this article, did it inspire you a little bit? What other gestures you feel are good for building a trusting and romantic relationship with your wife?
You should write a handbook for every guy I’ve ever dated! lol
I like the non-financial article every now and then.
And these are great tips, especially the one about not ignoring for more than 2 hours. Women need attention, at least I know I do 🙂
If I ever need a date I would contact you Latisha!
REALLY !! Every 2 hours. How insecure are you women?
And i am a woman. You cannot survive a day without someone stroking you?
I really don’t get this.
Good points. It is also maintains a good marriage.
Hey KC welcome back, long time 🙂
If only more guys would think like this! Many marriages would not just survive, but thrive. Congrats on figuring this all out!
Thanks Maggie! I hope to continue loving her for many many years
Are you single?
love to be again!
My favorite is “fix something.” Just last night, my husband oiled our creaky bathroom door. Of Course, I could have oiled it myself, but I only ever notice it in the middle of the night when my son goes to the bathroom and shuts the door, but by morning I always forget. Last night when I saw him walking up the stairs with the wd40, I was like “Oh my god, I can’t tell you how much that’s been bugging me and I keep forgetting about it by morning.”
I also like your lead by example tip on exercising. Same goes for purging, organizing, eating healthy, etc.
That’s a good personal story! I am postponing a lot of things similar to your door problem. I need to pick my tools up and fix.
good advice SB, I needed this for next week hehe.
best of luck
Great post. I really like some of the things you have suggested. I must admit, I am pretty lucky. My hubby treats me quite well and tries hard to support me in everything I do. He is also good for helping to get things done around the house.
I really like your suggestion about giving compliments. It is so easy as the years go by to get complacent about complimenting. This is a great reminder to make sure we tell our sig other that they are great at X and that we appreciate their talents.
Good for you to get a hubby like that. This post was just a passing thought glad you liked
Look her in the eyes and say: “I love you”.
Good post.
Thank you.
good advice, when I do that I get to hear “what you want from me?” in return. 🙂
All right SB did the Mrs. give you a little help editing this? 🙂 On a more serious note I did figure out how to speed up my site. Stop by and check it out. Thanks for your support by the way – I finally broke 200K!
just don’t get married – this sounds worse than a root canal!!! Geesh
advice, don’t get married 🙂
What if wife doesn’t care me?
You are meant to love her and care for her, show her love, not just love but from your real heart, when you met her you fell in love with her that led to marriage and you end up marrying her, let that love cover everything she does to you, when you love you forgive her sins
I believe such love exists only in novels and fictions. Can you really someone so much that you forgive her every sin?
Thanks technician, I guess we all have to clean our own dirt… 🙂
I like this….- “I make a point to take a break for 10 minutes and talk to her before finishing my writing”
Hey Sudip thanks for your time. Let me check out your blog.
The guy my ex girlfriend left me for dropped her for someone he works with! Your spell works fast! Of course she called me but I want nothing to do with her. I love knowing I had everything to do with this.
I am floored by your thinking and want a man like this!
Mine takes no time for me. After 15.5 yrs & 7 children, my hopes of ever having a friend in him have dried up. He consistently works away from home & has for the past 5 yrs.
I know you’re not a counselor but you must have plenty of feedback from others. What directions
My husband should read this -_- he needs your opinions badly 😀
haha lol Yes so says my wife 🙂
interesting, great article and great advice. I find it interesting that all the comments are from women though. I must be the only man reading this!
Currently I am trying to save a marriage that went bad due to issues on both our sides but I’ve decided that I am committed so naturally I am looking for advice, and this is good advice. I do some of these things but not on a consistent basis, it dawns on me that you should add a side note:
DO THIS CONSISTENTLY NOT JUST FOR A WEEK!
at least that’s my plan 🙂 great article
Thanks for being manly to comment in the post Joe! Wish you all the best in your effort.
I love this , how is your relationship with your husband or wife? In relationship or marriage communication matters so much before caring for you
Now this is all good and dandy…but I really never see too many articles on how to really make a man happy…why does it seem to always cater to making a women happy.
If women are not happy them selves then its almost next to impossible to make then happy.
You can do a few things that will give temporary happiness but inner happiness comes from the person them selves…
I’m not going to spend all my life catering to make a women happy when she doesn’t know what happiness means or how to obtain it her self…
I also think the man’s happiness should also be important but then what do I know.
Maybe love isn’t for everyone. But thanks for this. I had to post this on my what’s app status so it could help those whom love is for. Thank you sir.